So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
