Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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