After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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