I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
