at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
