New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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