we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
