It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
How's work?
Spinning.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
