I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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