i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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