I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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