are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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