Im at strip club and am horny
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
