I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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