i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize