I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
