So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So. Much. Porn.
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