my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
