hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
