I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize