You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i came on her dog
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
