you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
