Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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