I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
