that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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