so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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