That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
