what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
