How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
