a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize