Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
These tits shall not be calmed
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
