Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
