i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize