What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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