so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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