but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
