oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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