hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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