Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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