My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
