Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
