i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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