wake up i wanna do it froggy style
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize