he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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