Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
