Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize