Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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