I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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