Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
