so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
