Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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