Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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