My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
