he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
