I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
