I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
