u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
