I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
