A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize