our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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