he wants to bone in the snuggie
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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