$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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