life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Please don't give away my fajitas
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