You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
