I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
