question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
